Commodore Nicole's Blog: I'm a mental patient. I'm not impressed.

So, who told Fiona how to use phrases? Cuz you and me are going to have a little talk. I really really do not appreciate her command of the English language when it includes things like "I doun wan it", "uh - no", the ever popular "Mine!" or the line that is screamed at the top of her voice that is currently un-intelligable.

I know someone has to be responsible because these things don't just happen overnight. And that is exactly what happened. Before there were one word requests, but now orders come in 3 or 4 words. I suspect that I can also blame the culprit for giving my little baby growth hormones because she grew about 2 to 3 inches in that time as well. I'll be sending you the bill for having to re-stock her pants in size 3T.

Actually steroids make a lot of sense since she has been having moments of what can only be termed as 'Roid Rage. Moments of flailing, screaming, and rolling around on the floor like a crazed animal; only to stop at the drop of a hat and then hop away like nothing happened. Has to be HGH.

A couple of other things. Whats the deal? Why did you find it necessary to tell my child that she needed to wear her tu-tu every waking moment? Could you not have waited till she had a better command of her feeding skills? Because that thing is getting just nasty from all the food dropping on it. And I really haven't the slightest idea how to clean it (that would be the least amount of work on my part). Not to mention her favorite accessory, the straw hat that bearly fits her noggin? Seriously - I'd want to burn these items if she wasn't so freaking cute in them.

And lastly. Uhm, what exactly was the logic behind teaching her how to communicate colors? See here's the thing. I'm really proud that Fiona has really nailed down recognizing colors. That is aces. But telling her that they are refered to as members of The Wiggles is just really weird. When we see a blue car, she points out the "Anthony" car. When she sees a purple balloon, she requests a "Jeff" balloon. When she wants her pacifier with the red handle she asks for the "Murray" fire. When it comes to yellow it gets really complicated because both Sam and Greg wore yellow shirts.

And it's not just colors. There is this really random association when it comes to translating "Fiona". Whenever the child says "Happy Birthday" I'm looking for candles she wants to blow out. That took me almost an hour to figure out...my ears have yet to recover from the whining. Names of things she wants to watch have more to do with her favoite part of it, then it's actual title.

So how about you just come forward and we can have a little tête-à-tête. I promise I won't get to physical. But I just might have one of those Fiona styled tantrums.