Commodore Nicole's Blog: When you ask for trouble, you should not be surprised when it finds you.

Last Wednesday, I was listening to NPR on my way to pick up Fiona after the long day. They were featuring a project from a NY affiliate that had High School students producing stories from their lives. This particular story was from an 16 year old inner city mixed minority girl. She lived with her single parent mother and a younger brother. With in moments it was pretty apparent that she felt she was the center of the universe.

But not in the traditional sense. At first she made a few comments about her life that were pretty typical of the age. That her mother didn't trust her, that she was a good person who did what she was told, and did what she could to live her life. Comments that confirmed what we all know about Year 16. It's a precipice. The one year that can dictate the next 10, the next 20, or the rest of our lives. But then her comments revealed the true nature of her character. She explained that no matter what she did, she could never make anyone happy. That no matter what she did, someone was there to make her look bad.

One example was a cousin who was always making her look bad. The cousin was a virgin, she was not, the cousin was valedictorian, she would never be that, the cousin made all the right choices, she was always in trouble. The girl also talked about a typical hangout where all her friends and local teenagers hung out. She detailed the ritual of the boys collecting girls names and numbers and how she felt the need to participate even though the name of the ritual sounded more like notches on a bed post then just contact information.

This girl living the year that could be one of the most important of her life, the one that dictates her future, made it clear that she felt that she was the center of a universe against her, and that she had no choices in what happened to her.

The feature wraps up with her in a session with her school counselor. She is there as part of her punishment for being arrested. The counselor, asks her a series of questions to pull the events leading the arrest out of her. She explains that two boys, who were not really friends approached her at school and asked her to ditch and come shopping with them. She knows she is not suppose to skip, but she goes along. They go to the mall, and the boys pick out clothes. She knows they can't possibly have money to pay for the clothes. The boys give her a credit card and tell her to take the clothes and pay for them. She knows the card is stolen. As the boys leave the store, she goes to the counter to complete the purchase.

When the counselor asks her why she did all these things, she has no answer. She knows that everything she did was wrong, and the consequence. But she explains that trouble always finds her. The counselor, who is irritated by the ridiculous idiocy of the situation carefully explains to the girl that she has reached a point where she has just two choices. The girl can choose to keep at her life the way she is and end up in Rikers Prison. Or, she can choose to make better choices and go on the a higher education, a better life, a successful future.

The girl reiterates that she wants the second choice. But says that she will most likely end up someones young baby momma, facing time in the jail.

I don't think she can see how anything she chooses to do different will change the fact that trouble always finds her.

I have not stopped thinking about this story for 6 days. I have a daughter, and she will be facing Year 16 one day.