Commodore Nicole's Blog: Tell her I feel fine.

The 120-day New Hire probationary period is about to expire. We've decided to keep the Newest Employee as a permanent member of the Kinnunen Corp team. You know, because she's just so darn cute!

Look at the cute baby!!!!


I'd like to say that the first 4 months have been a snap, but I can't. That wouldn't be honest, nor would it be realistic. Bringing a new baby home should never be described as a "snap". Anyone who does say something so ridiculous is either delusional, selling something, or has an army of nannies who do all of the actual work. Did I mention that I think that every new mom SHOULD have an army of nannies to do all the work?

And now for the details. Because who doesn't love a good birth story? Everyone!!! On Nov. 18th Mikko and I arrived bright and early to the hospital and the staff started getting me prepped for delivery. I got a chance to meet all the people who'd be assisting my OB. Oh yeah, there were plenty of people who'd be there - the OB, the nurses, the SENIOR anesthesiologist, the pediatrician, a urologist, a couple of attendings and a few interns who just wanted to hang and see how this all played out.

See, here's the short and sweet of it - the combination of the placenta previa (position over the cervix and over the previous incision) and the acreta (placenta growing through the uterus wall) is fairly rare which makes my repeat c-section a prime teaching moment. My OB has been practicing for a long time - she'd seen 6 (six!) similar situations and all of them "not a piece of cake".

My OB went over what was going to happen: slice me open, get baby out; then try to get the placenta to detach and out long before I lost too much blood. All while leaving the uterus in it's happy place. The anesthesiologist explained to me that for my safety they were going to have me go completely out. This would allow them flexibility to react to whatever might happen. The nurses let me know that because of the baby's early delivery date they would be taking her to the NICU as soon as she was evicted.

And that is pretty much what happened. Oh, except the part where the placenta detaches. That didn't happen. And so...I am minus one standard issue uterus.

I'm not really sure when I woke up later that day. A few hours maybe. I remember the nurse and doctors being very reassuring. I remember being told that everything was going very well; that I was good and that Phoebe was perfect. I remember that I felt very out of it. I remember Mikko telling me about our Teeny Titan. It struck me that she was soooo teeny tiny. I remember that I wasn't going to be able to see her and they promised to get a picture for me. I remember deciding to text my friend Karyn because I just needed something to concentrate on.

I'm sure I was told that the uterus had been removed. But I don't remember. I think because I knew it already - that it really didn't matter. I do remember when they told me I was on my 3rd unit of blood. That was strange to me - I'd never gotten new blood before. I think I had a thought about being a vampire now - but managed not to say it out loud.

A nurse brought a picture of the New Employee at 2am the next day: Via Twitter: Pinchable cheeks, button nose - yep; that's a daughter of mine. 2:06 AM Nov 19th, 2009 via txt It probably took me 30min to key in.

I would meet the sweet little girl the next day. Our first picture together is way fuzzy. Which is pretty much how I felt. I'm sure she agrees. Phoebe took to the training program fast. She slept and she ate in 4 hour increments. Which is about as much as I could handle.

The lactation consultant visited me and set me up to help get the ol' baby feeders started. She said considering everything, I should just do what I could. I got the feeling that nursing wasn't going to go all that well (Let's just say that I provided an pre-bottle appetizer for 4 weeks). Everyone from the Baby side was eager to get me over there - but everyone on the Mom side weren't ready to let me out of their sight. They needed to make sure I didn't take a sudden turn in my recovery. That happens, and it can get really bad.

By Friday, things were really starting to even out. Everyone started their greetings with "You look sooooo good", I could hold onto a thought for more then 5minutes and they had removed 3 or my 5 lines. And with that - they transferred me to the Baby ward where Phoebe and I got to hang out, eat, and rest, rest, rest. We even got a chance to watch the "Pirates of the Caribbean" trilogy!

It wasn't until nearly two months after Phoebe's birth that I'd get back to the one moment I don't remember. Even before Fiona was born, I'd heard of Placenta Previa. But nothing like what I had and certainly not the possibility I had been facing.

At Christmas a close family friend and I talked about her almost exact experience. It being 30 years ago, she did not have the benefit of having known prior to her second sons birth about how exciting it was going to get. And it did get exciting for several days. She reassured me that life was going to be as good as it ever was.

But it seemed odd to me that had I ever seen the condition profiled on any of the dozen or so medical shows that run 24/7 on the Discovery channels. At the end of my Maternity leave one of the traumatic birthing shows featured a mother of 5 who had a similar condition. Watching this, I was perfectly serene - till the moment they showed her in the O.R..

Then the whole pregnancy came into focus. By seeing her under general anesthesia, I saw myself. And yourself does NOT like to see you so vulnerable. In the 7 months that I was aware of the condition I was never blissfully ignorant of the severity of the situation but I certainly wasn't preoccupied by it either. Seeing this women in surgery made me REALIZE the danger. And just what I could have lost, and what I did.

I would later find out that it wasn't just one acreta but two. There really was no chance of me keeping that organ. Which is fine; I'm here, Phoebe's here. We're all fine here - now, thank you. How are you?